#RantOver

Hi Everyone,

So this Summer, I moved to Newcastle to live with my sister and her husband. It has given me time to think about everything I want out of university[college], what I want from my family and what I want from myself.

Altogether 2015 has been a roller coaster of a year. I started my first year of uni, met loads of new, amazing people who I have missed all day, everyday over the summer. This year I started counseling, which I would have never done if it wasn’t for the brilliant people I have met this year.

During those counseling sessions I soon realised I have deep rooted issued that I didn’t know were chipping away at me. I am not going to go too deep into it but long story short, the reason I started the counseling wasn’t actually the reason I was constantly angry inside and having panic and anxiety attacks.

This summer has also thought me, I have no idea what I want out of life or where I am going after college. I am loving the whole uni experience but after I get my degree I have no idea where I am want to go and what I want to do. A lot of people have asked me and I give them this bullshit story of been a Genetic Counselor and I will be doing a phD in UCC. I haven’t a clue if I will be able for any of that. I barely know what a Genetics Counselor is! Although I will never question my love for biology, so wherever I end up, biology will be there somewhere.

At the beginning of the summer I broke up with my boyfriend (now ex, obviously) we still talk a bit now. I honestly think moving over to Newcastle was a way for me move on from the relationship but also, it was kind of my way of running away from everything for a while. I was so ashamed of how I ended things with my ex. I was in Edinburgh when it happened and immediately after I knew I didn’t want to go home, I didn’t want to be there all summer on my own. I didn’t want to be so close but so far away from him. So a week after arriving back from Edinburgh, I was on a plane on the way to Newcastle. A lot of people asked me was I coming back, honestly if I didn’t pass my exams I wasn’t going to go back. I didn’t see the point going home. I hate being at home.

2015 has been a bitch but I feel like I have broke through a lot of hurdles. I had to tell my family something that I knew was going to break them apart. With the help of my counselor I did it. If I didn’t go through with it, I probably would have never told them and they would all still be as clueless as they were. I would still be crying myself to sleep and I would still be having panic attacks. I am ending this year a lot stronger than when I started it. I am becoming a lot better at standing up for myself and others around it. I will not tolerant peoples bullshit anymore. I will not be taking advantage of anymore.

This summer I was working in housekeeping in this 4 star hotel. I hate it. There are 5 English cleaners in the whole department. Absolutely ridiculous! I started in June and it has been the longest 3 month I have ever had to go through. So many times I wanted to pack it all in and just enjoy the summer but I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction. They were not going to bully me out of a job. I only have 2 weeks left in there until I have to go back to uni. I am over-the-moon proud of myself that I stuck it out till the end. I have realised this summer, with everything that has gone on in the last 10 years, nothing or nobody can get in my way or bully me into choices I don’t want to make.

Everyone can suck eggs!

What I have learnt this Summer: 

  • I want to work for myself, be my own boss.
  • Racism still exists
  • Before you get yourself involved in a serious relationship, make sure you know what you want, be comfortable with yourself before you get some elses feelings involved.
  • Always be honest with your family, in the long run it is better for everyone
  • Know where you stand with people and never let them walk all over you.
  • Make sure you skin is thick in the working world and grow a back done if you are any way passive or shy. People will take any opportunity to take advantage of you.

This was such a big rant but I needed it. I appreciate it if you managed to read to the end.

Carry On Blogging!

Gracie x

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